


Listen, Elsa

by LinesoftheLost112



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2428613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinesoftheLost112/pseuds/LinesoftheLost112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the accident, Elsa is struggling with guilt. Her mother and father must decide how to react. Anna is healed now...but will Elsa heal too? A four-part story that reimagines the King and Queen's response in this early sequence of the film.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_the way back_

The cloud cover parted; silvery moonlight revealed the verdant, tree-lined forest path ahead.

There was a streak of frosty white ice down the length of the trail. The same trail. The trail we had raced down only minutes ago.

... _how hadn't I noticed?_ Anna - I was holding Anna before. We had stopped at the edge of the valley and I had slipped off my mare and carried her straight on, into that strange and humid place, past steaming vents and mossy boulders -

I hadn't looked back.

Elsa. Now, on our return, she rode with me.

I looked down at the top of her pale blonde head. Her braid was coming undone. I tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, drew my fingertips over the side of her soft cheek, and she turned and glanced up at me, her blue eyes glinting in the moonlight - like the sparkling ice before us, leading us back down the misty trail to the town and the castle.

I smiled at her, stroked her brow and kissed her head. She leaned against my chest and nestled there silently.

I was wrong. I had _been_ wrong. Oh to think that only a week ago - no, less than a week, only days, just days ago - I had stood my ground and disallowed Agdar to - but now? I couldn't then, but now - now this. It's my fault. It's mine - _how could I have let this happen?_

I glanced to my right, at my husband, sitting straight in the saddle, looking calmly ahead, dressed in his black waistcoat and golden-tasseled court uniform, grasping the reins with one hand and carrying our littlest girl in the crook of his other arm. She still slept. Her face - eyes closed, head lolling upon his forearm as their muscular white stallion trotted along...a pale blonde streak amongst her strawberry blonde strands. Wait, was she...?

She was smiling in her sleep.

Anna.

I closed my eyes. Fools, Agdar, we are _fools_.

I exhaled so loudly that my daughter stirred below me. I looked down at her and she looked up at me.

"Darling - you should try to sleep."

She nodded and pressed against me again, her fingers grabbing the velvet of my dress, face turned to the right...

Her eyes were still open.

"Elsa, rest darling."

"Anna - "

" - she'll be alright. Remember? That's what the troll said."

She looked across at her father and his horse and her sister. Her eyes closed for a moment...then reopened. Watching. She glanced at her open palms. Then she buried them in my skirts.

I gripped the reins in one hand and reached down with my other in search of my daughter's own small hands, somewhere hidden in the folds of plush cloth. I found their shapes and clasped them within my palm.

"It'll be alright," I told her. Sleep, darling.

But she said: "She won't remember tonight, Mama?"

"No. I don't think so...not as it was."

She was silent for a moment. Then: "Is that good?"

"It's for the best," I echoed softly.

"It makes me feel strange."

"Strange?"

"That Anna won't know what happened. What really happened."

"Sometimes...secrets are good to keep."

"And sometimes it's best to forget?" she added.

I looked down at her and her eyes were closed. And she was resting, she was. My little girl.

Oh Agdar. I am foolish. You were right. You were right, I was wrong, I did not maintain control, you did, I should have trusted you. I should have listened. This time I will. This can never happen again.

I will remember this.

I remembered:

_five days before_

"Come sit next to me, Idun."

I walked slowly across the room, to the bed, and glanced at the place where his palm had touched the top of the bedding. But I didn't sit.

I looked down at him.

"Idun..."

"...yes?" Lightly.

"Please." He touched the blue duvet again. "I want to show you what I've come up with."

There was a pink sunset outside. Warm, salty air circulated into the room through the open windows. What a pleasant evening it would be.

"I would rather stand."

He folded his hands. "Fine." He glanced at the little white box at his side. "I have been thinking all day about...the talk we had last night. I believe you are right," he said. "The curse is connected to her emotions."

I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced to the left, at the adornments lined upon the mantelpiece.

"Elsa's our responsible one. She'll do whatever we tell her to do. Why we haven't taken advantage of that before now..." He lifted off the lid of the white box.

"What happened was an accident," I said.

"Yes, I know. She couldn't help it. So. We have to do something to help her because, as you said...her emotions make her dangerous."

"I did not say that. I did not say Elsa was dangerous."

"You said her emotions could be." His fingers tucked into the open box. "Remember that it was you, _you_ , who identified Elsa's condition months ago. You called it a dangerous curse."

Months ago. My shoulders slumped. I covered my face with my hands. Control yourself, now's not the time, _control_ \- but oh how I wanted to let it all out. All that I felt. How I wanted to escape it. I shook my head.

"Idun, Idun. Please. I know how stressful it's been for us these past few days. Please. Sit and look."

I dropped my hands and, yes. I went to the bed, sat, and looked.

He said, "What she needs is some help...something that will keep her mind off of the curse - by keeping her emotions in check. And I've been thinking of a way to help her do that," and he held out his palms.

_Gloves?_ I said: "...gloves."

He smiled. "Yes." He spread them out on the bedding between us. They were a pure, snowy white color. Almost seamless. I reached and touched them with my fingertips. Supple, leather, snowy white gloves.

My husband watched me closely.

"They are beautiful," I said.

He nodded and turned his head away and looked out the open window, at the pink colored sky over the fjord. "She could put them on whenever she needs to. Just for this purpose - "

"...purpose?"

"When she feels that she may be losing control of her feelings. To help calm her."

"...whenever she needs to?"

He nodded.

"No." Forcefully. "This is not a good idea."

He looked at me. "But why?"

"I can see where this will lead."

"And where will this lead?"

"She'd learn to never take them off."

"Why do you think that?"

I picked up one of the child-sized gloves and showed it to him. "What are we teaching her if we do this?"

"Idun - "

"We'd be teaching her that she has something inside to be afraid of, ashamed of, something to hide."

"She does have something to hide. But this is not just to hide. It's to help her control."

"No. I don't agree. We're not giving her _special gloves_."

His hand lifted and he rubbed his forehead with his palm: a headache? I touched his arm. He said, slowly, "If it's true that she can never be cured...than this is the best thing possible for her. The curse...soon, it could get out of hand, something far worse could happen - "

"You don't know that."

"Idun, she froze the interior of her room."

"And?"

"Door, windows, carpet to ceiling. Because of nothing more than a scary dream."

"...and?"

"She's eight."

She's eight. "What is your point?"

"My point," he said, "is that Anna was shivering horribly when I went in and checked on them. What if - "

"No." My voice raised. "I won't allow this. I can't."

"Idun, it's getting worse every year. We have to do something to help her control it, conceal it, help her feel and be normal. Don't you want to help her be normal?" He smiled at me.

I slipped my hand into his and squeezed. "Maybe she doesn't have to be normal. There has to be something else we can do to help her. Other than this."

"You told me we can't ignore it anymore. Remember?" His warm, hazel eyes. He was doing all he could to win me over. The gloves _were_ beautiful. "And you're right. We must face it now, before anything else happens."

"But this is not facing it," I said. "This is hiding it again. And now you want to take it even further? This will not work."

"But we haven't tried it like this before. If she can learn to forget that the curse is there - imagine how much less stress, less of a burden she'd have to bear - " His hand rose imploringly.

I shook my head. "We'd only be teaching her to pretend that she's something she's not. Agdar, we are raising a future monarch. If we do this, if you give her gloves, we'd fail to even raise her to be well-adjusted. As an individual. Let alone..."

His expression hardened and I stopped talking. He took the glove from my hand and scooped its pair from the bed and dropped them back into the white box. He closed it with the lid. Then he rose from the bed and walked across the carpet to the doorway.

"Agdar, how could you ever expect her to competently rule, or even to live, with such a secret lurking just under the surface? I am right - it's as much a part of who she is as her emotions, her - her personality, her body - would you ever ask her to pretend those things don't exist?"

"No," his voice rumbled, and I wasn't sure if he meant -

"...Agdar?" I ventured quietly.

He stood still, and breathed in deeply several times. Then his shoulders straightened. "I told you that I would not do anything without your consent." He looked back at me from over his shoulder. "I hope you think carefully about this. Let - let me know," he said, his chin dropping, his voice dropping, barely more audible than a whisper, "what else it is that you'd have us do for our daughter. Otherwise I am giving her the gloves."

He was gone.

I sat upon the bed until the sun sank below the horizon and the coolness of the evening air filled the room, the white box there beside me. Eventually, I opened the lid. I looked. 

Only the finest for his firstborn. Elsa would like them. They were beautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote scenes 'control' and 'open window'. Chapter three coming soon.

Chapter Two

_inside_

We rode down the lonely main road, between empty market stalls and gray two-story buildings. Despite the later hour, with the light of the moon now blocked by the towering cliffside behind us, our path forward seemed duskier, the ice beneath us a translucent glaze over the cobblestone. No longer sparkling. But it still cracked beneath the hooves of our steeds as we wandered along.

There was the castle.

The lanterns on either side of the causeway were dark. The wall walk ahead looked unoccupied.

We passed through the open gates. No one stirred in the courtyard that I could see: no guards making their rounds, no servants or stablehands embarking on predawn chores.

Nothing but the sound of lapping water upon stone just outside the walls.

Only us.

We stopped before the stairs that led up to the entryway into the keep. I looked back.

The ice. It would not likely melt until sometime after sunrise. People in the town would see it. See it stretching down the length of the road, all the way up the cliffside trail, and back the opposite way over the causeway, to the gates and within...

What would they say? It's only ice. Only -

"Elsa," Idun said. "We're home."

My firstborn sat up from Idun's chest and opened her eyes. Her hands covered her mouth as she yawned. Good - she had slept some.

I heard the creak of the side gate opening a moment after we had all dismounted.

A male servant strode across the courtyard, presentably dressed in his dark gray and forest green livery, footsteps clacking on the cobblestone.

"Kai."

"My Lord - my Lady." He bowed to each of us.

Idun came up to me and gathered Anna into her arms. She cradled the child close.

"Please have someone light fires in the study and in my room after you tend to the horses," I said.

"Yes, my Lord." Kai stroked the snout of the white stallion. Then he began guiding the horse away.

"And Kai - " I called.

"My Lord?"

"Wake Ragna and Roald and have them clean the ice from the courtyard and the causeway. Try melting it with water. If that doesn't work, have them scrape it off. End to end. Tell them to do it quickly."

"Yes, my Lord."

Idun carefully walked up the steps. Elsa stood alone below, watching, her hands held together.

"Come inside, Elsa," I said, and held out my palm. She looked up at me and took my hand.

 _Cold_. My girl. The gloves. If I had them with me now...

The entryway doors opened - Idun nodded to someone inside, then glanced back at me.

"Go on. We'll be just a moment."

She looked down, turned, and went inside.

I knelt beside my daughter. "Are you worried about your sister?"

She nodded.

"Don't be worried. Not anymore."

"Anna's only sleeping?"

"She's only sleeping. You'll see later. We'll all have breakfast together in a while and Anna will be the same as always."

"Anna's not hurt anymore," she said.

"No, she's not hurt."

"There's no more magic in her."

"No more - all gone - forgotten." I smiled.

Her hand slipped away. She looked down, somewhere at my feet.

"What is it, Elsa?"

She was quiet.

"Tell me, darling."

She glanced at her palms. Then she folded her arms and her head sank lower.

I touched beneath her chin, lifted her head back up and looked into her blue eyes. She was seeking -

"Tell me what you're thinking."

She stared back at me - wide awake. "Is anyone...going to come and get me because of the danger?"

"No." I held her shoulders. "No, no, never. We will never let anyone get you. You're still afraid because of what the troll showed you?"

She nodded.

"Well, you don't have to be afraid. Look. The day's getting brighter. You'll feel fine, very soon. Trust me."

Quiet, for several moments.

"I promise, darling. Trust me."

"I trust you Papa." She reached out and took my hand.

I stood - "Let's go inside, Elsa," - and guided her up the steps and into the keep, her palm in mine -

_warm_

"It's not that cold out. How could there be ice?" The stable boy was carrying empty buckets down the hall.

"Come now. I'll let you have an extended break later today to make up for the extra work." Kai lead the way. His key chain rattled in his hand.

"Was it an accident?" asked another servant, a girl, who carried a pick and a shovel beneath her arms.

"I'm sure it was," Kai said.

"The ice deliverer's kind of a dolt. Maybe he made the mess," the boy remarked.

"I heard Gerda say she hopes he'll get replaced someday - oops!" A loud clatter echoed down the hall. The girl quickly knelt and scooped up the pick that had slipped from her grip.

Kai turned and glared at them. "I told you to be quiet."

"Yes, sir." She rose and held the tools in her arms firmly.

"No need to wake everyone else. This is our little job."

"I'm sorry, sir."

Kai turned to the side gate. He quickly unlocked it and led them outside. They crossed over the courtyard. No one else was about.

He turned and faced them. "Now get this done as quickly as you can. Clear as much of it from the road as possible. Particularly what's in the courtyard - "

"...courtyard, sir?" asked the boy.

"Yes. Clear what's in the courtyard first. Try to melt it with water from the fountain. You can toss what doesn't melt into the garden, then the rest - "

"...sir?" The girl was looking past him.

"Ragna, please pay attention."

"But sir - " the boy interjected.

"Roald! I'll forget to extend your breaks if you don't - "

" _Sir_. What are we clearing?" The girl glanced left and right.

Kai exhaled. "Playing games will only get you two - "

"But _what are we clearing?_ " The boy set down the buckets and squinted toward the open gates.

"The ice. _The ice_ , of course. The trail of it running behind me." He motioned with his hand.

"But _what_ ice!?"

_control_

I opened the door to our room.

Idun sat on the edge of the bed, looking out through the window. The sky was brightening. Dawn would come soon.

I shut the door behind me. "Idun."

She turned.

"Elsa is waiting for us in the study." I crossed the room. "You and I..."

"We need a plan," she said.

"Yes. I think we should decide what we're going to do - with Elsa - before Anna wakes." I sat beside her on the bed. "She's worried, and scared. We must act now."

Her fingers touched my arm. "I'm so sorry Agdar."

"What happened this morning isn't your fault," I said.

"No, it is. I was so conflicted - "

"It's alright - I understand."

" - but you at least had an idea. I should have settled everything with you before. We could have avoided this."

"Yes...we should have helped her before," I continued. "She is a very well-behaved girl, but any time her emotions do overtake her, there is danger. Increasingly so as she gets older." It's getting stronger. "And people will fear her if they see that danger. Some will fear her just for being different. If they see."

Idun's eyes closed; her hand covered the side of her face.

"Have you thought of anything else we can do to help Elsa?" I asked.

She lowered her hand and looked toward the doorway. She shook her head.

"So come with me. Let's bring her the gloves now - teach her that the curse doesn't have to control her. She can hide and control it. Let's go and talk to her, show her that she has our confidence, our support, our love. Everything she needs. Let's show her that she isn't facing this alone."

Her hand slipped into mine. She squeezed. "That's what she needs."

I smiled and rose from the bed - her hand falling away - and walked toward the fireplace, toward the white box atop the mantelpiece that held the gloves. "It will be morning very soon. Anna will wake. We are running out of time if we want to make sure Elsa is prepared."

"...you know it isn't a curse."

I turned back. "Hm?"

She looked up at me. "I remember. In the valley - you didn't call it a curse."

"In the valley?"

"The troll - he asked you, and...you didn't hesitate. You said she was born with it." She rose up swiftly from the bed. "Why didn't you hesitate?"

"I...think, perhaps, you misunderstand. His question was simply whether Elsa was stricken with the curse after birth. What difference does it make?"

"It makes a difference." She stood straight, shoulders squared, hands at her sides. "I was scared...when I called it a curse. I was under so much stress at the time...it's my fault you got the idea to conceal her powers. I lead you to it."

I shook my head. "But you weren't wrong. She has hurt Anna."

"You don't really believe that she is dangerous. Deep down you know this," she said, motioning with her hand toward the white box on the mantelpiece, "is the wrong move. You're just afraid."

"I am not afraid of Elsa." How could you - how dare -

"Maybe you aren't. But teaching her to conceal her powers won't show her that."

"There isn't a choice," I said. "We must help her find a way to control."

"We can - we will."

"How? How else can we help her?"

She looked at me silently.

You do see. "She needs to learn - starting now - how to hide this. From everyone. Including Anna...as long as she cannot control it." I ran my hand through my hair and glanced around the room. "Do you remember the image the troll showed us? Elsa was shaken by it. If others discover her powers...and if she gets scared, or worried, any time she feels too much - when she can't control herself and it gets out of hand - "

Her arms crossed. "No. We will go and talk to her. No gloves."

"I will do this on my own if I must."

She walked across the room and stood between me and the fireplace. "Why didn't you hesitate?"

"Why is that important?"

"Answer my question and I will make a deal with you."

A deal. "But I already told you why."

"Explain it to me."

I folded my arms, glanced out the window...and looked back at her. "She has been making - snow - since she was only months old."

"Go on."

In the middle of summer. Seven years ago. "I used to sometimes find her bed...sparkling. In the mornings." Tiny flakes crusting the mat and the railing. "I can remember the first time I saw her make magic intentionally. She was almost three. She was sitting there - " I pointed at the writing desk against the southern wall, to the left of the bed - "and making my documents flutter with tiny flurries from her fingertips. She was just bored. Waiting for me to take her outside for the day."

Idun slowly approached me. I watched the gentle flow of her skirts, her thin arms wrapped across her chest, her eyes - blue eyes - "And what did you do?"

"I told her to stop and she...stopped." Control.

She stood inches before me. "Do you see?"

"I don't know." I ran my palm over my face.

"I think, Agdar, something happened while they were playing last night that we didn't actually see - something that was not wholly Elsa's fault."

"But it was _her_ powers that hurt Anna."

"Fine. That is true. Elsa accidentally hurt Anna." She turned and grabbed the white box from atop the mantelpiece. She opened the lid, tucked her hand within, and withdrew one of the gloves. She held it in her palm and turned back to me. "Here is my deal: go and talk to Elsa. Ask her about what happened. Then come and tell me what you learn." She waited.

"...that's all?"

"That's it." She held the gloves behind her back.

"Afterward, what? You'll...relinquish the gloves?"

She breathed in deeply. "I won't stand in the way."

What do I say to this? "Idun..."

There was a trio of soft knocks on the door. I glanced at the sound, then back at my wife.

"She's up."

I turned and walked to the door. I reached for the handle, but it was already turning -

The door opened several inches. Through the space the strawberry blonde head of my littlest girl poked through. She stared up at me.

"Anna?"

" _Papa_." She dashed through the doorway and wrapped herself around my leg.

"Anna, it's still early. Why aren't you sleeping?"

Idun. Her hands were on my shoulders.

Anna looked up at me, her chin flat against my thigh. She raised her hand and motioned for me to come close.

"Can't you just tell me?"

She shook her head and motioned again.

I knelt down. Anna cupped her small hands around my ear and leaned in. She whispered.

"...you dreamt you were kissed by a troll?"

She nodded and raised a finger to her lips.

"Sorry. Go on."

Whispers.

"...your sister's in the study," I answered. "She needs alone time right now. You'll see her at breakfast. Alright?"

She shook her head. Not alright. She leaned in - more whispers.

"So...you think the troll's still hiding in your room?"

She nodded.

"And I have to check right now?"

She nodded.

Hands squeezed my shoulders. I glanced over my shoulder...blue eyes. I looked back down. Blue eyes.

"Alright. Let's go check if he's still there."

Anna grabbed my hand and lead me out of the room and down the hallway.

_a deal_

I watched until they rounded the corner and disappeared from my view. Then I gently shut the bedroom door and turned away.

Our quiet room. The sky outside the windows - soft violet clouds and blooming golden light on the horizon.

I walked to the fireplace. Most of the larger logs had collapsed into embers and ash. The flames would not last much longer. I picked up the white box, opened the lid and dumped the gloves into my palm.

They _are_ beautiful.

I tossed them directly into the heart of the fire, then I replaced the lid and set the box back onto the mantelpiece.

And I watched them burn. The supple white leather blackened, cracked and shrunk, curving over the kindling, blending with the charred wood. The smell. Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that. I walked over to the bedside and tugged on the bell pull.

Anna would preoccupy him for a time. After that we'll go and speak to Elsa. Long enough for the servants to clean up the fireplace and air out the room, perhaps.

I'll change into something simple. And then go and join them. Maybe - ha - he won't notice what's missing?

_open window_

"Mother, she's playing the horn so beautifully - "

Pawns can move one piece forward. Two the first turn. I walked my fingers over their heads. Not you, and not you - not you... _you_. Two squares.

"Sister, she's sitting, spinning gold - "

Black's turn...I like white, but Mama always wants to be white. Papa lets me choose. I beat him - twice! I never beat Mama. Not even close. Knights can move two squares and one more at a ninety degree angle. Hop, hop, hop.

"Brother, he's walking in the forest - "

White's turn. Bishops and rooks can't move until the pawns get out of the way. They're stuck, but knights are free. Hop, hop, hop.

"Hunts all the wild animals - "

Kings are the weakest special pieces. I almost never move him. He's slow...I'm not interested in him. Black's turn.

"If he's white, drive him here - if he's grey, let him get away - "

Queens are the strongest. She can do almost anything. I'm afraid of losing her, so I almost never move her either.

"If he's brown around the chest - then let him roam the woods."

I'll teach Anna how to play someday. I already taught her Ludo last summer.

I hope Papa will come soon. I want to have breakfast with everyone. Then I can see Anna.

Wait.

Under the settee. I can see something.

...

Anna's dolls!

...I think I can fit beneath...

Yes - I finally found them. She won't have to borrow mine to play with anymore. How did they get here? You lose your toys all the time...what would you do without me?

I can see the open window from here. It's getting bright out...I'll bring Anna's dolls to breakfast. She'll be really happy.

Out...from under -

The sunshine feels so nice. I can see a ship being loaded with boxes and barrels. I can see some people buying things in the market. I can see snowy mountain peaks far away, over the top of the cliffs, and the highest, the North Mountain - so distant and lonely. Maybe, one day, Anna and I could go and climb it. We could probably see everything from the peak. Arendelle. The ocean...the windowsill is warm. It feels good - resting my arms and my head on it.

...where is Papa...

...

...

A sound...

I'm...standing in the great hall. There's snow everywhere. The windows are dark. There are stars and the moon outside and the sky is awake.

I'm not alone. They're...all around me. People. They look just like the ones I saw buying things in the market and the ones carrying boxes and rolling barrels onto the ships...

They're just walking around and doing things.

They don't notice me.

"Papa?"

The people stopped moving...

"Mama? Where are you?"

They've all turned to face me.

"...Anna?"

The dolls. _The dolls!_ They're frozen at my feet. I'm sorry Anna!

They've seen me. They're coming. From everywhere.

"Papa!"

Their eyes are red.

"Wait! Please, it was an accident."

All of them are red. All of them are coming closer.

"Papa!"

They're coming to get me. They're going to take me away.

"Please, please! I didn't mean to make danger! Mama! _PAPA!_ "

I'm falling -


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split this chapter into two because the final few scenes are taking longer to complete. I'll have the last chapter four up soon.

Chapter Three - Listen, Elsa

_favorites_

_The trolls of Arendelle are a friendly but unusual sort_. I memorized that when Elsa read it to me in the summer. It was in a book I found in the library. I asked Elsa to read me the words again and she did and I said them to myself over and over. Then I remember _They possess powerful elemental and psychic magics_. And then… _They maintain a secret, peaceful, and familial society_. And… _They have a generally rotund and squat body shape_. I forget the rest. Elsa says she will help me memorize more facts about trolls if I want. I _do_.

The troll I saw looked a little like grandpapa. Grandpapa had big cheeks. A big nose too. He used to kiss me on the head and smile just like what the troll did. I even thought it _was_ grandpapa at first but when I sat up and looked it was a troll that only _looked like_ grandpapa. Not everything like him. The troll was grey and had green grassy hair and a shiny yellow necklace. It was on the edge of my bed, in my room.

Then he talked to me just like grandpapa did…before grandpapa died.

“Grow up brave little Anna. And kind little Anna. Be a brave and kind princess.” Then the troll waved and rolled off my bed. When I looked over the side he was gone! Was it a dream troll? Do dream kisses feel so nice?

Papa can find the troll if it’s a true troll. He can make the troll come out because he’s _the King_. I have questions like what does a troll do other than give nice kisses? Where does a troll live? Do they like games and music and singing? Do they like snow? Do they like chocolate? Do they like sliding - I can slide all the way down the hall Papa, watch this -

_Oof!_

“Excuse me Princess! Are you alright?”

Excuse me.

“Pardon, Kai,” Papa said. “Anna, you should say ‘excuse me’ for bumping into someone.”

Can’t wait! Please come on.

“It’s quite alright. My Lord, I’ve come to report on the ice.”

Stop talking Papa.

“Anna, quit pulling my arm for just a moment. What is it Kai?”

“The ice is gone, my Lord. From the courtyard, the causeway too…”

“They finished clearing it already?”

“No my Lord. It disappeared.”

“ _Disappeared_ \- Anna, stop it.”

Talking talking talking.

“Completely, my Lord. Not even melt water left behind.”

“But how is that possible?”

“I do not know. Also, as you may have noticed, the melt in the great hall is completely gone. The dais was still soaking not an hour ago. Gerda says it is dry now, my Lord.”

“ _Dry_.”

“Yes…since the ice is gone, I’ve resumed the patrol and the staff’s morning duties. Is there anything else I can do for you, my Lord?”

“No…wait. Yes. Prepare to restrict all public access to the grounds. Have the windows and the doors all closed within the castle. And shut the gates immediately. Allow no one entrance unless they have scheduled deliveries. Please have this task done within the hour.”

“ _Every_ door and window, my Lord?”

“Yes. That will be all, Kai.”

“…very well.”

Finally.

“Anna,” Papa said.

But you just finished talking -

“Listen, Anna. You can’t go sliding around corners or you might knock into someone else and get hurt. Okay?”

Okay.

“Let’s go…”

The door to my room is open. Elsa says I always forget to close it but actually I don’t forget to close it. I just don’t close it! I think if I was _the King_ I wouldn’t have any doors in my castle. 

It’s quiet inside my room because Elsa’s in the study…maybe the troll got out…grandpapa troll? Are you here?

“Anna, what did you do to your room? It’s so messy.”

Nope. Not under my bed.

“Were you looking for the troll?”

Not under Elsa’s bed.

“Well, darling, doesn’t look like he’s here.”

Not in the closet.

“Just a dream, Anna. Come on, help me clean up.”

Not in the toy chest.

Not behind the dressing screen.

Not on the rooftop outside my window. Not in the courtyard below. Not in the fountain and not on the roofs of the town over the wall or in the water or anywhere -

“Anna. Come on, let’s pick up before Mama comes.”

Okay. Goodbye grandpapa troll…you’re just a dream troll. He looked real though. He looked and he talked just like grandpapa.

“Are you getting hungry?”

Yes.

“We’ll go down to breakfast after Mama comes to get us in a minute. Not sure what’s taking her so long. Probably changing…”

I wish it had been a true troll and not a dream troll. Elsa can read me more words from the book about them. I’ll memorize more facts. I’ll go get her from the study and maybe before breakfast or during breakfast she can read me some pages.

“You’re very quiet this morning, Anna. Did your dream frighten you?”

No.

“Trolls aren’t dangerous, Anna. They’re a part of our kingdom. They’re just different than us.”

_I know_. I’m not afraid of the troll.

“Why aren’t you saying anything, darling?”

Because he kissed me like grandpapa.

“Is it because of the kiss you dreamed of? You're being _coy._ ”

Papa’s smile is making _me_ smile -

“You liked the kiss, didn’t you?”

“No I didn’t!” But I did.

“Yes you did! Did it make you feel good? All warm inside?”

“…maybe a little warm inside…”

“Ha! Well, how about a Papa kiss?”

Scratchy mustache kisses. Um, no thank you.

“Oh, come now! My kiss can’t be any worse than a troll’s.”

“We’ll see.” I closed my eyes and touched my cheek where Papa could kiss me.

…

Scratchy. Troll kisses are nicer. _Woah_ -

“ - _gotcha_. How about another!”

“Troll kisses are nicer!” I can’t talk straight when you’re making me giggle Papa -

“How about _this_ one.”

“…nope.”

“You’re smiling. You liked the last one.”

“It was okay. Troll kisses are nicer.” And grandpapa kisses are nicest.

Papa laughed. I covered my ears.

Then he carried me and sat down on my bed. I stretched out on his lap and looked up at his face. I think Papa looks a little bit like the troll because Papa looks a little bit like grandpapa. “Papa?”

“Yes?”

“Do the trolls ever come to the castle?”

“They have before. They used to visit grandpapa sometimes, when he was king before I was.”

“Grandpapa knew the trolls?”

“Everyone who is king or queen of Arendelle knows the trolls. But they have their own home, hidden away in the forest. And they have their own ways. They aren’t like the townspeople.”

“I really want to meet the trolls.”

“I’m sure you will one day. But not until you’re older.”

I want to be older already so I can go to places and meet people and trolls.

“Did you dream of anything else last night? Other than the troll?” Papa asked.

Papa’s stronger. Elsa’s smarter. Mama’s beautifuller. What am I?

“…Anna?” Papa asked.

“I dreamed of a forest. The troll kissed me in the forest. But when I looked I was in bed and he…went…over the side…and was gone.” I showed which way with my hands.

“A forest? Anything else?”

“Snow…I dreamed of lots of snow.” Snow is one of my favorites. “When is it going to snow Papa? Is it going to snow soon?”

“Soon, yes. You want to play in the snow?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, the first day it snows heavily enough, I’ll take you outside and we can build a snowman. Would you like that?”

“Yes!”

“Good.”

“With Elsa! She’s amazing at making a snowman.”

“About your sister…” He picked me up and sat me back down on his lap. “There’s going to be some changes, Anna. You and your sister are getting bigger, so your Mama and I feel it’s time that you have your own separate rooms.”

“Why?”

“I just said, because you’re getting bigger. Elsa’s moving down the hall.”

“But this room is so big.”

“And it will be all yours to play in!” Papa said and he held his arms out… “Isn’t that fun to think about?”…and his arms came down.

“But it’s fun to play in - ” I said and I tried to stretch my arms out like Papa… “ - because Elsa is in it!”…and my arms came down.

“I’m sure it was. How about this. Gerda will take you to the toy shop in town tomorrow. You can choose some new things to put in your room to fill the space.”

“But why can’t Elsa fill the space?”

“She can’t anymore, darling,” Papa said.

“Why?”

“She can’t. I’m sorry Anna. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Stronger, smarter, beautifuller, all older. So what am I? “Did grandpapa keep a troll in the castle?”

“Of course not. I told you, they have their own home. No more questions about trolls, Anna.”

“Can I ask questions about grandpapa?”

“Okay. Until Mama gets here.”

“Did grandpapa like chocolate?”

“He loved it. Just like I do, and just like you do.”

“And just like Elsa.” Who I would _like_ to go play with now -

“Yes. Just like your sister,” Papa said.

“Can I go play with Elsa now?”

“Not right now. Remember what I said Anna. There will be some changes. You can play with your toys as much as you want. Don’t you love your toys?”

“Elsa is funner than toys.”

“‘More fun’. I know you love her - ”

“ _To pieces_!” I showed him the size of the pieces with my fingers. Really small pieces. Little snowflake pieces or chocolate pieces because they’re my favorites and that’s what Elsa is. My most favorite.

“But you’ve got to be a big girl now. Every big girl learns how to play and be content on their own, sometimes.”

“Like you did?”

“I’m not a girl.”

“ _I know_.” Papa. I can’t talk straight when I’m giggling. “You were with grandpapa in the castle.”

“That’s right. It was just me and grandpapa for a long time until I met your Mama.”

Papa was alone with grandpapa for a long time. I feel sad about it. “…Papa?”

“Yes? Getting hungry?”

“…I don’t want to be alone in my room.”

Papa stroked my head. “Sometimes we have to learn how to get along all by ourselves for a while.”

“Like people in the dungeon?”

“What?” His hand stopped stroking my head. “Where did you hear about the dungeon?”

“In a book.”

“Which book? One that Elsa read to you?”

“Mhm.”

“I see,” Papa said. “Yes, people in the dungeon have to be alone. But that’s because they did something bad.”

“How long do people in the dungeon stay in the dungeon?”

“Until they learn how to not be bad anymore.”

“What if they never learn how to not be bad?”

“That doesn’t happen.”

“Not ever?”

“Well, almost. But anyway, people in the dungeon don’t decide for themselves how long they stay, darling. I do.”

“Have you ever kept someone in the dungeon for…forever infinity before?”

“Anna…”

“Mhm?”

He’s smiling again and now I’m smiling again. “That’s enough questions about the dungeon. So, about your sister - she’s moving down the hall. Make sure you stay out of the way while the servants move her things out, okay?”

“Okay. Can Elsa play with me while she moves to another room?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He stroked my head again. “She won’t play for a while.”

“ _She won’t play?_ ”

“But I’m sure she will when she’s ready to,” Papa said.

“But if she won’t play with me, who will she play with?”

“She just needs time alone for a little while.”

“Like people in the dungeon?”

“ _No._ Not like people in the dungeon. Anna…” He’s not smiling. I’m not smiling. “You’ll get used to it, Anna. And then after a while your sister will be ready to play again.”

“Will she be ready to play tomorrow?”

“No, not tomorrow.”

“Next Tuesday?”

“Tuesday. No, not Tuesday.”

“Wednesday?”

“A while, Anna. Okay?”

“Okay…Papa?”

“Yes, darling?”

“…is Elsa being alone because she did something bad? Is that why she won’t play?”

“ _For the last time._ The dungeon is a cold, empty, dark place down, down below - that’s where people go who do bad things. Is Elsa moving to the dungeon?”

“No.”

“Where is she moving to?”

“To a room down the hall.”

“And a room down the hall is not a dungeon,” Papa said.

“Because a room has toys and light?”

“That’s right. Light and warmth and space,” Papa said.

“And kisses and warm hugs and books and chocolate. _And sometimes trolls._ ” My favorites.

“Sure. Anna, please. No more questions about dungeons or trolls or grandpapa. Do you understand?”

“I understand.” I still had questions.

“Good. The dungeon is a place you never have to think about. Ever.”

“…Papa?”

“Yes, darling?”

“…is Elsa moving and can’t play anymore because _I_ did something bad?”

“Anna - ”

I saw the door open, and - “Mama!”

“Anna!” Mama ran across the room and picked me up from Papa’s lap and kissed me. Mama kisses are better than Papa kisses. Maybe troll kisses too because Mama kisses are so soft and also Mama usually smells nice. (But grandpapa kisses are my favorite. I miss them the most.) I’m getting kisses from everywhere today and it’s not even breakfast yet. Kisses make me feel warm inside. But Elsa is moving out of my room and won’t play with me until at least after Wednesday.

That makes me feel a little different. That makes me feel cold.

_light_

“My Lord. My Lady.”

“Kai, please take Anna downstairs for breakfast. We’ll be joining her shortly.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Kai offered his hand to Anna. “Princess. Shall we?”

Anna glanced up at me, then took Kai’s hand. He led her across the room and out the doorway. Before they turned the corner she looked back into the room, smiled and waved at us. Then they were gone.

“She doesn’t know what really happened last night,” I said. “Apparently the troll replaced her memory with that of a…kiss.”

“How sweet,” Idun replied.

“She’ll be alright. Now we go speak to Elsa. Ensure that she is also going to be alright.”

“Are you ready to do that?” she asked.

Yes I’m ready. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep my daughters safe.”

“As will I…” she breathed.

Anna’s questions. She was becoming more inquisitive by the week. Keeping Elsa’s secret from her wouldn’t be so easy. She sensed something was going on. She would probably continue to ask questions. About Elsa. About trolls. And dungeons. Why dungeons?

I had told her they were cold. What was it I had said after?

“Do you know exactly what you will say to Elsa?” Idun asked.

Empty. That’s what I had said. Cold, then empty. “I’m just going to say things to help her keep calm, and to feel loved and protected. From all danger. Wherever it may come from.”

Her sigh was formidable. “Agdar, just remember to be careful what you tell her. Please. Yes, she’s our obedient one. She’ll follow all the advice you give her. But she’s also clever. She’ll interpret your words and behavior in her own way, and act accordingly, and if you - I’m sorry, we - aren’t careful, we could cause harm when we mean to help.”

And dark. A place down, down below. Why did I describe it like that? I wanted her to understand who dungeons were for. “I only want to help her control. So she can feel norm - uh, so she can feel…alright. That everything’s alright.”

“I know, Agdar. I see that.” She walked across the room, toward the door. “I’ll go check on Anna first. Make sure she’s content downstairs until we’re ready to bring Elsa down. Then I’ll come join you.”

Lights. Thousands of them. Floating into the evening sky. Drifting over the still waters of the bay. The memory from my childhood simply flashed in my mind. And so I asked her, before she stepped out of the room: “Do you know what they do in my half-brother’s kingdom?”

She turned back, her hand on the doorframe, her dark green skirts swaying. “What do they do?”

“They light floating lanterns and release them into the sky, during festivals, and on the birthdays of every royal child.”

“…I know. I’ve heard it’s an exquisite display.”

“It’s some of the most beautiful light I’ve seen in this world. I’ll never forget the times I witnessed it.”

“We’ll have to take Elsa and Anna to see it one day.” She left.

And then I was standing alone in our children’s empty room.

No. Not the children’s. Anna’s room. Only hers now.

_down the hall_

“Hot cakes this morning, my Princess?”

“Mhm.”

“With chocolate pieces like last time? Or would you like them with fruit and nuts? Or plain?”

“Chocolate please.”

“Very good, Princess.”

She skipped the rest of the way to the dining hall. Little Princess Anna, do you know how happy your grandpapa would be to see such a bright little soul chasing away the cold lonesomeness in his large, empty castle? I, for one, do.


	4. Chapter 4

Listen, Elsa Chapter Four

I can do many things.

I can skip. I can slide. I can fit five pieces of chocolate in my mouth at one time. (Elsa can do seven. Papa can do nine. Mama - can do _thirteen_.)

But there are some things I still can't do.

"Here's the syrup, my Lady. The butter is there." _Cough_. "Help yourself..."

"Thank you." I can cut and put the butter on -

"Half the stick is quite too much, Princess. You'll make yourself ill. Put some of it back - "

\- and I can pour the syrup -

"My Lady, _slowly_ \- that's more than - oh, dear. Will you still be able to eat that?"

"I like syrup!"

"...very well. Do you remember how Princess Elsa taught you to cut your food? Last week?"

Of course! Every word which was _Hold the knife gently. Like this. Stick your fork into the piece you're going to eat. Like this. Now push down with your knife_ -

_Mmmmph_. What else did she say? I think...I can remember: "' _They possess powerful elemental and psychic magics_.'"

"Pardon, my Lady?"

"Can you help me cut my hot cakes? I just _can't_."

"Of course, my Lady."

"Thank you. Are you making Elsa hot cakes with chocolate pieces too?"

"Is that what you recommend, my Lady?"

Yes. "I recommend it." These smell delicious.

"Very well, I'll let them know."

Kai cuts hot cakes into big squares. Mama cuts them into little ones. Elsa cuts in any shape I ask for. She even cut me little snowmen one time.

"...there we are, Princess. Enjoy."

"Thank you. Have a piece?"

"Oh, no thank you, Princess. I've already eaten."

One. _Mm_. Two...three - "Gai?"

"Do you remember what the King told you about speaking with your mouth full?"

_Don't speak with your mouth full._ "...Kai?"

"Yes, my Lady?"

"When is Elsa coming? And Papa? And Mama."

"Very soon, my Princess, I'm sure."

"Okay."

One. Two. Three... _four._..

"Princess - perhaps we should pace ourselves?"

Four. I can fit four pieces in my mouth.

How many can Elsa fit?

_Oh_. How many can _Mama_?

_hands_

They can't find me here. Surrounded by the snow.

I once read some pages in a book about the cold. I wanted to understand what it felt like. What Mama, and Papa, and Anna went through. When they felt the cold.

Sometimes, in the wintertime, Anna would climb into my bed in the middle of the night and get under my blankets and snuggle with me. Her teeth chattering, her body shivering. That's what the book said - shivering, and numbness in the hands and feet...and nose, cheeks, and ears. I check those parts of Anna whenever she seems cold - when we're out playing too, not only the nights she climbs into my bed. To make sure there wasn't any part of her turning gray or blue. That's what the book said would happen. When someone feels really, _really_ cold.

Elsa.

I had a dream, last summer.

I was in my bed, in the middle of the night. Out the window the aurora was so bright - I had to cover my eyes from it - and...loud. I could hear it. Feel it. Deep inside me. And then I heard crying. Anna. I threw back my blankets and got down from my bed and walked across the room, stepping over long shadows cast by the windowsill and the changing screen and the toys scattered around the middle of the room. I stood by the side of Anna's bed, and looked. She was lying on top of her blankets, tucking up her knees to her chest and whimpering like she did when she was a baby. She's having a nightmare, I thought, but as I reached to pull the blankets over her she suddenly stretched out and began shaking. All over. And as I watched, she changed: her skin and her hair and even her green nightgown became whiter and bluer, until she was ice. Just...ice. The aurora's green...blue...purple lights gleaming off of her.

_Elsa_...

I'm not alone.

_Elsa!_

Don't worry, Anna, I'll fix your doll. I'll find a way.

...on - on my shoulders. Hands. They've found me.

_listen_

Sleeping.

"Elsa?"

Her eyes opened. She drew in a long, deep breath, released it with a shudder. "Papa." Blink. "Oh."

"Are you alright? Why are you asleep on the floor?"

"I'm okay," she replied. She lifted herself up by her forearms. "I think...I was looking outside." She looked over her shoulder, up at the window behind her. "It was warm on the windowsill and I fell asleep. I must have fallen down."

"Were you dreaming?"

She nodded. "I...thought I..." Then slowly scanned the study, left to right. "...never mind." She swept her hand over her brow. Sighed.

"I've come to talk to you. Just for a little while," I said, offering my hand. She took it. I helped her rise to her feet. "Until Mama comes to get us. Then we will all go down to eat."

"With Anna?"

I nodded - "She's already down with Kai" - and gently squeezed her hand. "She looks okay. She doesn't remember anything from last night..." Circles under her eyes. You must eat, Elsa. And rest today.

She was staring at something behind me. "Maybe it's not a good idea." She glanced at me, then away again.

I looked where she was staring, and saw on the crimson rug, beside the cherrywood feet of the chess table, two objects, glimmering in the daylight streaming through the window.

"...what's this?" I walked over to the chess table, Elsa following behind me, her palm in mine. "Ice? No." I knelt, peered, then looked back at my daughter. "Dolls?"

She nodded.

"Why are they frozen, Elsa?"

"It was...another accident."

They look familiar. I reached and picked one of them up. Cold - _heavy_ \- solid ice. I did not know you could do that. Turn something to solid ice. "Were you playing with them?"

"I found them - under the sofa - it must have happened during my dream."

"They're Anna's, aren't they? The ones she said she lost, the other day." This one: faint coloration of...red? Strawberry blonde pony tails. And a green dress. A golden crown.

"Mhm."

I stood and carefully laid the icy doll on the edge of the chess table. Elsa stared at it. Rubbed the side of her temple with her palm. Looked up at me.

"Come. Sit with me for a minute, Elsa."

We walked round to the front of the sofa and sat down, backs straight, shoulders squared, hands folded in our laps. I looked down at the little girl beside me. She looked directly ahead, into the smoldering embers within the fireplace.

"I understand if you want to be alone. But you shouldn't be scared of...joining the family for breakfast," I said.

She looked up at me. "But what if I freeze something else?" Quietly. "On accident again. And she sees?"

"It's rare that your powers show themselves on accident in that way."

"But it might happen. Still." Her hand gripped my waistcoat. "...and what if I hit Anna again? Or Mama, Kai - "

"Again?"

She nodded.

"Is that what happened last night, Elsa?"

She looked down, somewhere at the empty rug below our feet. "Anna was falling. I was scared - I thought she was going to hurt herself - I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Falling? And you two were...?"

"Playing," she breathed.

Playing.

"Elsa, I think it unlikely you'll hit anyone else with your powers again."

She rubbed one eye, then the other, with her fist. "Why?"

"Because, it seems to me that that only happens when you're...upset. Or scared. When you're having a dream, or perhaps," I said, "when you see something worth getting frightened about."

"But I do freeze things. Sometimes it just happens. Not when I'm dreaming or anything."

Yes. "Your powers are getting stronger."

Her grip on my waistcoat tightened.

I covered her hand with my palm. "You will learn to control it." I smiled down at her. Everything will be fine. "You have always been my good girl, Elsa. I know you always will be. And I, and Mama, will help you to always be so."

She looked back into the embers. "I don't want to see Anna. I'm still scared."

"Think of this as your first test. Come down and eat with the family. If it is too difficult - "

" - then I can eat in my room?" she said, again looking up at me.

"You can, if you wish. But, Elsa - "

She rested her head against my arm.

You can't always hide from this. Not forever. "I will do what I can to make it easier for you. Mama and I will help you."

She released her fingers from my waistcoat and held her palms open before her eyes. Then let them fall to her lap. A lingered sigh passed between her lips. "...Papa?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Elsa: do you know how you melted the ice outside? Over the causeway?"

She looked up at me. "No?"

"Kai discovered that it was gone, when he went out to clean it up for you. Also the snow in the great hall - gone."

"All gone?"

I nodded. "Somehow," I said, "you made it disappear."

Again she looked at her palms.

"There is a secret to controlling your powers. You have to think carefully: what happened between now, and when you arrived back to the castle this morning?"

She closed her hands. I could see her eyes squinting as she concentrated. Then: "But all I did was go with you, through the entrance hall, and then upstairs into the study."

"Did you say, or perhaps think any words - in your head - on the way?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Did you do anything - with your hands, or...your feet?"

She shook her head again. "No. I don't think so."

I nodded. "It's alright. If you're patient, the answer will come to you. A leader must always be patient. It couldn't have been anyone else who did it. Don't give up. And that," I said, smiling, "is something a leader can never do." I stroked her hair. "A leader cannot give up, Elsa."

"Like Grandmama?"

Like Gran-

"I - " _who told you_ "Darling - who told you about...Grandmama?"

_Startled_. "No one. I just read about her, one time. In the library."

"Do you - do you mean _my_ mother?"

She nodded.

"Tell me about what you read."

"I read that Grandmama died when she was still young. 28. Because she gave up. That's what the book said." She knows. "...is...that what happens to leaders if they give up?"

"It can happen to anyone who...gives up."

"How does giving up make you die?"

How. "Sometimes - someone may feel very bad about themselves. Or, they may feel sad for a long time. And if they feel too sad, or...too bad about themselves, they may want to give up. And then die."

"From feeling too sad?"

I nodded.

She sniffed, scratched the tip of her nose. "I...think I understand."

I don't.

The fire is dying. Somehow it's always colder in this room then most anywhere else in the castle.

I cannot look. What if I said the wrong thing? I must teach her control. Evenings alone in her room - reading, drawing. Quiet walks alone in the garden, in the mornings, any day she has free to herself. Silent, punctual, hardworking, her tutor tells me. Reminds me of her. So much. Already. I cannot look.

A gentle touch, on the side of my shoulder. And then on my wrist, just over the cufflink.

I looked.

My firstborn was watching me with wide, and blue, and warmhearted eyes. She patted me several times on my wrist, just with the length of her fingers, her palm against my sleeve, so softly that I couldn't feel it through the linen. Then that same hand pried open my clenching fist and buried itself in my palm.

And she said: "You don't have to worry. I won't give up Papa."

The embers popped.

"The fire is dead. It's getting - it's rather cold in this room, isn't it."

"It is? I'll warm you," she said, and she pressed herself against me. Then added quietly, "We can build another fire and stay here. I don't mind. I'm really not hungry."

Your regality has always been a mask.

From your very coronation. From the start.

Even your little girl sees it now. She was never supposed to see it. She wasn't supposed to know. Not yet.

I looked to my left, at the white and silent door. Idun, where are you? I need you here. Please. What can I do? I was not ready for this. You were right - I am a fool - what can I do? I don't know. I don't.

"...I notice someone started a new game."

Elsa craned her neck to look back at the chess table behind the settee. "Mhm."

"Is it your game?"

"Yes."

"Challenging Mama again? So soon after she beat you?"

"No. Just me."

"Just you?"

"Mhm."

And I asked: "Do you often play chess on your own?"

"If Mama is busy. I played Kai last week. But he's usually busy too. Anna doesn't really play yet though I am trying to teach her."

"I see."

"Anna says she likes it but she gets bored really fast. So I think she's just faking." She snuggled deeper into the crook of my arm.

"She likes to do whatever you're doing. Be wherever you are. It's what little sisters are supposed to do."

"Mhm. It's hard to get away from her. She always finds me - wherever I go," she said, lifting her hands and shrugging exasperatedly. Her hands fell back to the cushions with a soft bounce.

I nodded. That's what little sisters do. "Elsa," I have an idea, "let's finish your game, shall we? We can stop when Mama gets here."

"Okay."

Up. Round the sofa.

I pulled back the chairs. My daughter sat down on black's side. I scooted her chair in, then sat down across from her.

She held her hands together calmly on her lap. Looked across the table at me.

"Elsa - look at that." The doll.

Elsa looked. Her mouth opened. She grasped the doll and examined it closely, front to back, up and down. It was still mostly blue and glittering ice but parts of it - a leg, half of an arm, the tail end of a strawberry blonde braid - hung limply toward the floor. She looked back at me.

"How strange, isn't it?"

She nodded.

"But it's only somewhat thawed. Let's play our game and see what happens. We'll keep an eye on it. Right?"

"Right." She set the doll back down on the edge of the table. Her palms grasped the edges of her chair. I noticed her legs swinging back and forth beneath her.

"Well. Darling. Your move."

_steps_

"Are you sure you want to take both of them with you?" I asked her. Agdar stood beside me, just outside the door to the study, in the middle of the quiet and empty hallway.

She nodded.

"Can you keep the one hidden?"

"...Elsa has a theory," my husband said, looking at me from the side, "about how to thaw the second doll. She wants to continue to test it out over breakfast now."

Truly. I stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes.

Her face looked - keen. But nervous. And though her fingers gripped and re-gripped the one in her hands, her eyes were bright with hope.

I smiled. On the edges of her lips, a smile formed too. She turned -

"Elsa, wait." I caught her by her shoulder. "You're holding the wrong one."

"But Mama - I think I have to carry her. For this to work."

I shook my head. "We'll carry that one. You can take little Anna."

She looked at the icy doll in her hands.

"Elsa."

"But Mama - it's my ice."

"Trust me - do as I say. This time."

Slowly, she reached out her hands. I took the frozen doll - heavy, cold - and held it behind my back. Out of sight.

"Trade." I held out its opposite.

She accepted the thawed doll with the same trepidation that she had released the frozen one with. Looked into its face.

"You fixed that one. You deserve to hold it. The other will be right here with me. Now, how long do we want to keep Anna down there all by herself?"

"Idun, Kai is with - "

Agdar -

"She doesn't like being alone. We should go now." Elsa breathed in deeply, released it, turned - her braid swinging, momentarily bouncing over her shoulder, then straightening again over her back - and lead the way down the darkened hall, away from the cold study, past her bedroom door, to the stairwell, and down.

"...so you asked - _Agdar_ \- " I stopped him at the top of the stairs. What's bothering you?

"Yes, we talked about what happened last night." He watched his daughter going down the steps. I looked too, and as if sensing us, Elsa glanced up, noticed our stares, and stopped where she was, her white hand resting on the gray iron railing. Waiting. Hesitating.

"Agdar, what is it? Is what you learned troubling you?"

His eyes flicked up at mine, then back down the steps. "She knows."

"Knows what?"

He didn't reply.

_She knows_?

He moved to go down the staircase.

"Wait," I said, pressing my palms against his chest. "What else did you talk about?"

His shoulders squared and his palms - opening, closing - "We talked about my mother."

I lowered my hands -

He passed by me and started down the steps toward the dining hall.

_test_

One. Two...three. "Good morning, everyone."

Only Mama waved.

But Papa smiled at me before he sat down. Elsa - wait, why are you sitting over there?

"Mama?"

"I'll sit next to you for awhile. Okay?"

"Okay."

\---

"I saved this piece for Elsa," she whispered. I wiped her chin, neck, fingers, palms...forearms. Elbows? "Anna, there's syrup on you _everywhere_."

"I poured too much."

"Fine, but why everywhere - "

"I'm trying to eat it all."

"Kai, " I called.

"Yes, my Lady?"

"More napkins please."

He inclined his head.

My husband cleared his throat after Kai went out of the room. "I'll speak to him about his negligence after breakfast. He shouldn't have allowed Anna to make such a mess."

"It wasn't Kai's fault!" Anna said. I wiped the side of her mouth - she snuffled and twisted aside in protest. "I told him last-last week that I wanted to only help myself now unless I asked for help for something I still can't do - "

"I'm certain Kai wanted Anna to be happy," I said. "Can you blame our staff for...enabling our charming daughters, just a little?"

"Mama?" Anna tugged my dress.

"Yes?"

She motioned for me to draw near. I bent my head down. She cupped her hands round my ear and whispered.

Then she sat back in her chair and looked across the table at her sister.

Elsa was staring silently into her lap.

"Elsa," I called softly.

She looked up.

Come.

Beside me, Anna waved, almost shyly. Patted the place beside her with her palm.

Elsa breathed in deeply, closed her eyes, and pushed her chair out. Her eyes reopened. Then she hopped down and walked slowly round the table, her hands calmly holding the doll before her waist.

"Oh, you found her!" Anna stretched out both of her hands.

Elsa held the doll out. She did smile.

Anna accepted it. "Did you find the other one?" she asked, hugging the doll against the side of her cheek.

Elsa shook her head. "I'm sorry Anna."

Anna didn't reply, but looked at her sister and continued to cuddle the doll.

"You cut your food," Elsa commented, looking down at Anna's plate. Syrup flooded it to the edges; several large, cleanly cut squares lay smothered within.

Anna nodded her head proudly. Then immediately stared down at her plate. Her cheeks turned crimson. I stroked her hair once more and rose from my seat.

"Sit here," I told Elsa. She did. I touched her hand, waited, till she looked up at me. She seemed more anxious than when she was on the upper floor a minute ago but she had made it this far - now -

...now to hope for a normal morning.

\---

"I saved this one for you, Elsa."

Anna sounded...sad. She pointed at a large wedge-shaped piece on the edge of her plate.

"Oh. That's okay. They will bring mine soon."

Anna's head sank lower.

"...are you alright?"

She shook her head slowly.

"Do you want to tell me why?"

She didn't do or say anything.

"You can tell me why."

Still silent.

Anna. "Please tell me why."

"...I told you a lie," she mumbled. "I didn't cut my food. Kai did."

"Oh, I see." I didn't think you did actually. Your food is a crumbly mess when you cut it. "Thank you for telling me the truth." I reached for her hand. She turned her face toward me - her hair - the white strand -

No. I shouldn't touch you yet. It isn't safe. I drew back my hand.

My stomach rumbled.

Anna sniffed, picked up her fork, and stabbed the wedge of hot cake and held it out toward me.

"...Anna. I can't."

She waved it before me. Syrup dripped onto the table -

"Anna. I said I can't. Please."

"I heard your tummy. _Eat it_."

"Anna."

"It's delicious." Her other hand gripped the edge of the table, she stretched out - I leaned away.

_Huff_. "Elsa."

"I said I don't want it."

"Just taste it?"

She stuck the fork at me again - I pushed her hand aside. "Please, _stop_."

"But you're hungry - "

"No."

"Yes!"

"Anna," Papa called.

"What?" she replied.

"You're getting syrup onto the table, and the chair, and the floor!"

Listen to Papa.

"Did I mention it's got  _chocolate inside_?" she said to me.

"Elsa..." Mama nodded at me.

" _Fine_." I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Anna. I'll eat it."

She wiped the piece over her plate, gathering more syrup over it, and lifted it once more. "I hope you like it Elsa. Because I told Kai to make you the same kind."

I leaned toward her and opened my mouth...closed my eyes -

I waited.

...waited?

I looked.

Anna was holding a hand to her mouth. Her fork was empty. The piece of hot cake was drooping over the edge of the table between us - syrup running down the side of the white cloth, dripping to the floor. She held her palm up to me - whispered _just a moment_ \- then reached with her fork, to stick it back on? "It's too late now." I glared at her.

I heard Papa sigh. His chair screeched over the floor.

"It's alright Agdar. I'll help them." Mama rose from her chair.

"You just sat down - "

But Mama ignored him. She picked up her napkin at her place and walked around the table. She didn't look angry. Papa sat back down.

"Here," Mama said, stepping between our chairs. She peeled the piece off from the table and looked at it closely. Then she turned to me. "Open up - "

" _What?_ " No. "I don't want it, Mama."

She turned to Anna. "Do you - "

Anna was standing up on her chair. She opened her mouth wide.

"Idun," Papa called. He mouthed a word - _etiquette_ , I think - but Mama waved him off.

She dangled the piece over Anna's mouth. Anna stuck out her tongue.

Papa rose from his chair. "No. Nobody eat that. Kai!"

"My Lord?" Kai had just entered the room. He was pushing a wheeled tray with our breakfasts - and more napkins - before him.

"Please take over for the Queen immediately. And do not allow Anna to create such a mess again in our absence."

"Y-Yes, my Lord. My apologies."

Anna glanced at Papa, at Mama, at me.

I should have just eaten it when Anna first gave it to me. This is my fault.

Kai walked up to Mama, with a napkin in his hand. His face was red. "Apologies, my Queen - allow me - "

"It's quite alright Kai. Serve everyone their meals." And then she turned back to Anna.

Papa walked round the table toward us. "No, you will not feed her that."

Mama stood straight. The piece was cupped in her hand.

Anna looked at it - _huffed_ \- and crossed her arms. "I saved it all this time. Will _somebody_ get to eat it?"

"No - and sit back _down_ , Anna." Agdar stood before Mama, just beside Anna's chair. "Idun." Calm voice. Papa was angry but trying to conceal it. "Please. Give it to - "

Mama tossed it into her mouth.

Anna gasped. So did I.

Papa just stared.

Mama put her hand on her hip and looked at Papa, like she was proud. She licked her palm. " _Mm_. It's got  _chocolate_."

And then, Anna collapsed onto the table - rattling her plate - and laughing.

It started as a squeal - the kind of sound she makes after she begs me to chase her around in the garden and I finally say yes. Then the squeal changed into a giggle, her smile wide, every one of her teeth showing, her head on top of her outstretched arm. Her blue eyes looked up at Mama sideways - her giggle steadily decreasing in volume but her face only getting redder and redder. Finally the only sounds that emerged from her mouth were hicks and gasps for air.

Mama looked a little worried. "Anna. Sweetheart - breathe - "

And Anna did, finally. She drew in a full breath and let it out with a wheeze. Her blue eyes flicked to me - creased. Oh n-

She started laughing again.

Mama held a hand to her mouth. Her face was turning red too.

"Look what you've done. She's tipped her plate over."

Mama looked up at Papa.

"There's syrup all over the tablecloth." He grimaced at her.

Mama's eyes shut.

Papa shook his head and stuck his hand at Anna, but before he said anything else - Mama put her other hand on Papa's shoulder. She looked like...she was fighting to stop from crying?

"Oh. Agdar. You're so _angry_." She cackled.

Papa's jaw clenched. This is getting bad. Anna's giggling on the table, with syrup spreading all over it, Mama's just standing there holding her sides and laughing at Papa -

"What will it take to get you to finally control yourself?" he said.

Mama punched his shoulder.

"Please - think of Anna - she's barely breathing."

"I know," Mama squeaked.

"Shall I summon a medic my Lord?" It was Kai.

Papa glared at him. Held his stare, for a moment. And then -

Papa laughed.

This is so out of hand. I've got to do something.

"Anna."

She turned her head and looked at me. She was still smiling, open-mouthed.

"Get down, okay?"

She squeezed her eyes shut.

_Fine_. I got down from my chair - Papa stopped laughing, Mama pressed against him and he brushed aside her hair over her eyes and held her head against his shoulder.

I looked back at Anna. "Anna, please - "

She exhaled noisily. "It's okay Elsa. I can breathe now."

I reached my hands beneath her sides. She isn't heavy, even for me. But when I tried to pick her up by her waist -

" _Elsa,_ that _tickles!"_

_Oof_. "Come on. Get off the table!"

I pulled her by the waist but then - _resistance_ -

"Anna, let go of the tablecloth!"

She said between gasps: "...are you taking me to the hospital?"

"I'm putting you back in your _chair_."

I let go of her sides and grabbed her by the ankles.

"Anna, please let go!"

"When?"

" _Now!_ " I yelled. And pulled -

There was no resistance.

I fell backwards, flat on my back. And Anna fell right on top of me.

"Ow!"

Giggles.

"Anna!"

Giggles.

_"_ Get _off_."

"You broke my fall. Thanks!"

"You probably broke _my_ spine."

"What's a ' _spine_ '?"

" _Anna_. Off!"

But she only clung to me tighter.

Mama looked down at me. She was hugging Papa. He had his arm around her shoulders.

I stretched out my arm. "Mama. _Help_."

"Alright Anna." It was Papa. "I think you may be hurting your sister."

"I do this all the time," she said.

"Anna," Mama said.

"She's just like a pillow." She closed her eyes and snuggled her head on my chest.

Alright. You asked for it. I stuck my fingers beneath her chin and wiggled them -

Anna tensed, squealed, rolled to the side - and lay still, her arms and legs spread out over the floor. "I'm dead. Elsa. Look." She rolled her eyes up and exhaled - her chest went flat.

I leaned up and watched. The last time she played this game, _twelve seconds_. One. Two.

She lay perfectly still.

Six. Seven. Eight...

Oh. I can't help myself this time. I poked her side.

She bit her lip.

"Dead people don't laugh." I poked her again. And again. And again -

She batted away my hand.

"What was that, hm?"

"' _Involuntary reaction_ '."

And then - Papa knelt down, right beside us.

"Alright. Time to eat. No more play till after breakfast."

I got up. _Oh_. My dress is so wrinkled -

"I'm dead Papa. I can't get up," Anna murmured.

"Come on." He scooped his hands beneath Anna and lifted her up - she hung limply, at first not using her legs, but Papa whispered something in her ear and then she abandoned her game. She settled onto her feet.

Our breakfasts were all arranged at our places around the table. Our usual places. A cloth covered the place where the syrup had spilled. And now Kai stood off to the side of the room. By the closed window. I didn't even think about - I mean, I was so hungry now, so -

But then Anna gasped. And dove under the table! Anna. _Annnnnna_.

I was going to try to stop her, but I heard Mama say something to Papa, so I listened -

\---

"Agdar." She brushed her hands over my shoulders. "I'm certain, no matter what we decide to do," she said, tracing her finger down the seam of my waistcoat, "no matter the changes we decide that we need to make," and then looked into my eyes: "things will turn out alright - as long as we remember to leave the fun." She smiled.

I leaned in and kissed her brow.

"I won't forget that, my Queen."

\---

"Elsa! Look! Look!" Anna scrambled out from under the table. Dear me. She'll need a change, and likely her sister as well - the carpet cleaned, the tablecloth washed, _only syrup. Only hot cakes_. His Majesty's father's favorite breakfast, believe it or not. With chocolate pieces. A trademark of this family line.

"Anna?"

"I found her. She was under us all along." She shrugged. "Can you believe it?"

"I - "

Anna held her dolls close. Danced them around the edge of the table. "Together again. I was so worried." Hugged them in either arm. "But I found you. I would never stop looking." _Kiss_.


End file.
